Can there be a do-not-call list just, y'know, in general?

2003-09-23 at 12:47 p.m.

That's a little bit of a cop out, really. Life doesn't need to be glamorous to talk on the phone. I know that. And there are times when the conversation flows, but otherwise--I just can't come up with conversation at the drop of a hat. At least, I can't on the phone.

At parties, I don't have a problem, usually. At friends' houses, at dinner, at the grocery store--hell, Nicole is often in agony with my propensity to talk to strangers about almost anything. Crazy lady on the El? No problem! Random guy on the lakefront? No sweat! Dorky lookin' dude sittin' in the bar behind us? Bring it on!

The phone rings? Uh...

My sister and I can often get a good head of steam going and talk for a while (and I have a $150 phone bill to attest to that. ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS, people. We said NOTHING that important, let me assure you.) but to be honest, she helps in that. Lee is probably one of the chattiest people I know and she does it so well. She doesn't even spend most of the time talking about herself--she just draws it out of you. Or even better, you spend a lot of the time chatting about OTHER people in a non-gossipy manner, more like, "I know the COOLEST person and let me tell you about this most awesome thing she said the other day and can you believe what that made me think about and don't you think that it applies to this other situation that Jay has and isn't that prophetic because then she said this OTHER thing and..."

Well, you can see how conversations with her can go quickly.

Messages are the same way. My typical message? "Hey, it's me, calling about the movie, call me back."

Let me tell you now, if you leave me a long message, I probably never heard the second half. If you can't leave the important details in about thirty seconds--name, phone, subject--I never heard it because I just can't sit through a long message. I'm the WORST message listener ever. On my home phone, I forget to check the machine some nights and I've missed some IMPORTANT messages that way (Leah, I'm SO SO SO SO sorry!!!! I TOTALLY would have given you a ride!) so never EVER be afraid to give me a call to see if I've gotten your message because if I haven't called back? I probably haven't.

My cell phone, though... It gets so I dread when the message light comes on my phone. I know there's like eight messages there and I should probably listen to them but they are all so LONG. And then I'd probably have to DO things. Or CALL people. And I really don't want to do that.

Let me be clear--I don't mind the calling-to-arrange. "Hey, it's Kari. You need a ride? I'd love to! When? Where? I'll see you there!" and then once you get in my car, we'll chat our heads off. "Hi, Kati! You're coming to Portland? When can I see you? That's great!" Fabulous. It's the catch-up phone call. I just... it almost gives me cold sweats.

See? I'm retarded when it comes to the phone. I hate how unfun I sound, and I hate how I can't come up with anything to say even with people I love and care about and I hate how all it does is make me feel like the friend that people say, "I really should give Kari a call, but she's so... terse, on the phone." I can't help it.

It's not you, it's me.

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