Ladylike.
2003-11-10 at 9:34 p.m.
Andrew and I went to see "Bat Boy: The Musical" last night. DEElightful. Picture it: a sort of meta-musical whose plot is based on the Bat Boy from the Weekly World News. As looney as you might imagine. Loonier. But also touching and sweet and tragic and hilarious.We went out to coffee before the show (mostly because we're slightly dimwitted and got there, oh, about an hour early, and had to do something). We were sitting in a booth-style arrangement, and at one point I put both my elbows on the top of the back of my seat and stretched.
"Real ladylike," Andrew smirked.
A flame of resentment flashed through me. "I hate that term, ladylike. It's so... insulting."
"What?" Andrew looked baffled. "It's supposed to be a compliment."
"But it's so..." I was trying to puzzle through why I really really really REALLY felt disgruntled. "Sexist? I don't know. It's just so diminuitive. Demeaning."
"Why?" Andrew leaned forward. "I don't deny why it might be, I'm... y'know, looking for why."
I fidgeted in my seat, searching the corners of the nearly-empty restaurant for an answer. "Ladylike is supposed to be a compliment, but... I mean, just because I don't keep my voice low or cross my legs correctly, am I any less attractive or intelligent or creative or fun?" Suddenly it hit me. "All the things you're supposed to be for to be a lady--you know, like quiet--"
"Demure," Andrew supplied.
"Yeah," I said, rapping the table. I leaned forward. "Demure, contained, all that, they're all passive. So to be a lady, I have to not participate? That's stupid."
Andrew leaned back in his chair. He quietly asked, "But is it sexist?"
"Well, yeah." I was on a roll now. "I mean, you'd only question whether a woman is ladylike or not. You'd never apply that to a guy. You'd never even wonder. In fact, even think about it. 'Gentlemanly' is even substantively different. To be gentlemanly is all about how you treat other people--you're considerate, you're polite, you're caring. It's all about interaction. But ladylike is all about how you don't affect other people. How you don't attact attention. It's about uninvolvement."
"Huh. I see what you mean. I..." He smiled. "I never thought about it that way."
I smiled at him. "Now, see, if I was ladylike? I wouldn't have said all that."
"Nope. Good thing you're not then."
And so I paid our bill and we sauntered into the theater. I led the way, wearing pants. And heels.
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