Ladyfingers.

2003-11-09 at 10:44 p.m.

I can understand both sides of a tricky equation that, for simplicity's sake, let's just call, Singles vs. Couples.

Singles: "Sometimes it sucks being the single person when it feels like everyone in the freaking world is paired up. Especially around holidays. Jesus. I feel weird showing up by myself, and I'll NEVER MEET ANYONE this way!"

I understand this. I haven't always been married, y'know.

But let's look at the other side:

Couples: "Whuh...? I thought we were just going out for a beer! Aren't we still friends? Does this mean I shouldn't bring my boyfriend?"

No, well, yes, but don't bring yourself either because apparently it means that you aren't invited. Apparently, married people--even without their partners--put a crimp in their style.

Pardon me, but what a crock. What a flippin' fuckin' crock. If I, as a married person, chose to throw a party but didn't invite my single friends because "I just wanted to do a couple's thing" I'd be strung up. And, I might add, rightfully so. I can't think of anything that should ONLY be couples except maybe playing bridge, and then, really it doesn't need to be couples, just an even number. In fact, it's far more interesting if some of the partners aren't couples.

So why is, "We're having a 3-day New Years Eve in this really cool town but, really, it's just for the singles because if we had to spend more time around these couples, we'd stab our eye out with a fork" something you can say to my face and not feel like slime? (Seriously, even the fork bit.)

Because, hellooooooo--I AM PART OF A COUPLE. So, apparently, I do something that makes you want to stab your eye out with a fork? You, uh, wanna tell me what? And we'll deal with that? Instead of this asshat blackball business? Because, news flash: I'M ALSO A SEPARATE PERSON. In fact, I'm mostly Just Me. You're ruling me out because I chose to link myself to someone I find incredibly special?

What crapass juvenile criteria is that? I mean, seriously. Wouldn't you rather pick out who you're going to hang out with by, oh, I dunno, some sort of important feature like, say, maybe, sense of humor or maybe shared interests or even something vague like zest for life? Rather than has a partner???????

So meeting people is your bitch? You think you're going to meet more people that you want to actually know through going out in roving packs of feral singles?

Okay, you've made other plans, fine, whatever. And I'm not invited. Fine. Seriously, I have NO beef with that--I don't live in your hip pocket, and we see each other enough that this ain't a big deal. But don't tell me to my fucking face that the only reason I'm not invited is because I'm married and then still think our friendship won't get tarnished just the most wee little bit.

Hearing you tell me that makes me feel sad (and, if you've noticed, a wee bit angry), but it makes you look pathetic.

When my ring finger is more important than my heart for our friendship, then I've got another finger for you.

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