2003 in review.

2003-12-30 at 9:59 a.m.

A friend once said this would be a really excited year, and while I didn't exactly disagree, I also didn't totally agree. This year has been hard. I couldn't find a job for love nor money, and although I didn't really want one either, the not-being-able-to-find-one eats at your ego and mind, you know? Plus, there's the having-no-money, selling-the-car, borrowing free-for-all that this year became, financially speaking. Money ain't everything, true, but when it's going wrong, it sure seems to take over your thoughtspace.

On the good side, though, I've found a path that feels more comfortable than anything since... since I can remember, actually. I can't think of a time when I was more energized about what I was planning to do. Not only do I feel like I can do it and I'll be good at it, but also that I'll be happy doing it. Teaching, I mean. After the aforementioned ego and pride meal of not being able to find anything where the job-wanting was mutual, I can't even tell you the healing balm of this new comfort.

Plus, Andrew and I are really learning how much stuff we don't need. That's good. It's a little sad, as well, because now we can look back on all the shit we've bought before and think, "Damn, if only we had that money now!" It's funny--with TiVo, we watch a LOT fewer ads, and the wanting seems to decrease in proportion to the number of ads we don't watch. It's quite freeing, actually, to shed the desire to accumulate.

Now I walk past stores like Banana Republic and Nordstrom and Williams Sonoma and I'm boggled and bedazzled and confused by the dizzying array of crap for sale and can't help but think, "Why the hell would I want all this shit?"

There's been some other shit going down that ain't for public consumption, but hopefully--signs are hopeful--Dear Sweet Lord and Lady in Heaven, my fingers are crossed--that the long hard slog to healing has begun on that shit too.

Jupiter has passed, I'm in school, I have some great friends, evertying is in transition, nothing happens, time goes slowly, it's been a crazy time.

So all told, 2003 has been a purposeful year, and year with a lot of progress, and a year that has set the foundations for some happy things. That said, it's not necessarily a year I'd want to live again, y'know?

But I am looking forward to 2004.

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