It's what brings us together today.

2004-05-25 at 2:19 p.m.

Well, that and... ahem.

Have you ever been to a Quaker wedding ceremony? Absolutely beautiful. Dave's dad got up to tell us newbies what to expect, a little bit. The gist of it being (and apologies if I mangle it) Quakers believe everyone's relationship with God is personal and significant and that each of us is connected to God. There's no officiant, we each are marrying this couple merely (although there's nothing mere about it) by communing with God and sharing our hearts with everyone there. So the ceremony itself consists of us, an intimate us, gathered around communing with the Creator and then when the moment strikes sharing our thoughts with everyone present.

So it's a little like an AA meeting: long periods of silence punctuated by personal contributions. Except a lot more cheery.

So we're all sitting there having communed and communicated. But then it happened. As I had immediately wondered what the protocol was once I heard about the "long periods of silence" part.

Yes. You knew it was going to happen. You know what's coming now.

Someone let a long juicy fart rip through the tent. Cut the cheese, broke wind, pooted, tooted, let their ass do their speaking for them. And it was loud, melodic, solid beat, you could dance to it. There was a crescendo, a real sense of emotion and effort. I'm sure the culprit felt much better, but the rest of us, not so much.

So here we all are in our moderate finery, celebrating and honoring this deep and loving commitment two wonderful people are making to each other, soberly contemplating the meaning of love, of honor, of commitment, of God, of God's love... and then trying desperately not to snort or giggle or make eye contact with the guy next to you whose shoulders are shaking so violently it's a wonder the stitching in his shoulder seams is holding on.

I had spent so much time crying (tears of joy, people, it was a wonderful ceremony!) that all I was worried about was that the act of trying not to laugh would send the inevitable chortle through my nose thus spraying really liquidy warm snot all over the backs of the necks of the folks in front of me. I have my priorities here, people.

And yes, I am eternally twelve, why do you ask?

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