Shake it off, I guess.

2004-10-19 at 1:08 p.m.

A professor of mine says there will be students we don't like. Hoo, boy, are there. And I feel bad because Seth is a bright kid, and I'm supposed to be the mature one here, right? But good LORD would I just rather someone else be the mature one.

Mmm... anyway.

I feel like ass today. Yesterday actually went pretty well, except for ending on a nails-down-the-chalkboard hour. I was observed for my morning class and it went well. It went right. It went like it was supposed to. And my observer gave me a great write up. So, yay! It was quite a high, and it felt soooo natural.

Today? Not so much.

It was like a study in how to do it wrong. I left my lesson plan at home and had to wing it. I forgot to copy the worksheet we were going to use for pair problem solving, so we had to go to the next thing on the menu. There's a quiz tomorrow (when, of course, I can't be there) and although a good portion of the class is doing really well, the students I really really wanted to have ready are just... floundering.

I did get the sweetest sweetheartest note from a girl I'm helping. She's so convinced she sucks at math, but she doesn't. And I talked to her after class today. "I just suck at math!" she wailed.

I know you don't have confidence in yourself right now, I said. You've had a bad couple years at math. But can you have confidence in me? Because I have confidence in you. And we'll work together, and soon you'll have a day in class where you understand every single thing that happens, and that will be a great feeling.

My cooperating teacher is just convinced she's lazy. I admit that may be part of it, but I think she's also panicked in her head which makes every homework assignment insurmountable. To my mind, it's a matter of showing her how much she does know, and starting from there.

My other student, the little girl with the worried face, is doing well. I feel good about what's going on with her homework. She's having small problems with (warning: mathgeekery ahead) combining like terms, but the fundamentals are there and are coming together. It's a little like magic, watching her work through the homework. She's so up front with everything she works at.

Sigh. Today was a half-day, and tomorrow I'm a student again, so it's all out of my hands till I come back on Thursday. To some extent, frustrating, but to another--a sweet relief.

I've done all I can. Until Thursday, anyway.

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