It's done, over, through, whew!

2005-06-16 at 10:24 p.m.

1. Formal courts. Jesus, the only assemblies we had were thinly veiled opportunities to annoint the Pretty and Priveleged. There was some sort of attempt to make it about more than a formal court, but really, half of the assembly was to "Oooh, who's on the formal court?" and then "oooh, who's going to be the queen?" Seriously, they had elaborate audio-video schemes to make it all a big story where a student would be suddenly ELECTED queen and oh, god, it might be ANYONE but was always the blondest senior. Which sucked for the punks, the goths, the music geeks, the theater freaks, the A students, the dancers, the ANYTHINGS who weren't what was ordered from the Generic Pretty menu.
   
2. The freaking long commute. It wasn't long in the morning, but that's because I left at crack-of-my-ass early in the morning. So, only twenty, thirty minutes. But in the evening, it could be an hour, easily. That sucked so much ass. Because by then I'd put in a ten hour day and I was ready to be HOME, dammit.
   
3. A school where underacheivement is the culture. Where some students are just not expected to pass algebra and you should fail as many as possible and blame the kids for not working hard enough. Never mind you could have figured it out by week three and gotten them in tutoring or something. Never mind that the general math classes are 80% Latino--any school that is okay with that is one that is implicitly condoning racism. I'm not blaming the teachers, or the administrators specifically--it's the whole damn system that allows it to be OKAY. Never mind that this school doesn't expect students to acheive at a "Going to College" level if the students aren't going to college. That's bullshit, frankly. I know some students have other priorities, but if you create an environment where they're expected to acheive and where the STUDENT expects to acheive, they (for the most part) will. I firmly 100% believe that.
   
4. Travelling. Dude, not having your own classroom blows big giant chunks. I mean, it spews.
   
5. Traditional teaching. It flat out doesn't work, and reinforces the idea "I ccan't learn math!" because seriously, if traditional teaching worked, we'd be a nation of mathematical geniuses. But no--walking and chalking, where I am the center of attention? Kids learn not to think about the why, they become trained in memorizing the how. And no one learns anything long term that way. The special kids, the really highly-curious kids, they may think about the why, and those kids will acheive in any environment. But the fat middle ground of kids will learn that math is useless because they learn it as a series of unrelated facts and processes. If you make math really about the logic and the process and the reasoning, it becomes so much more, and the kids will start to acheive higher in EVERY subject because thinking and turning things over in your head and trying out new theories is rewarded, and isn't that what we want them to do always, even if the topic is Which Bus Route Would Work Best?
   

Things I will miss from this school:

Parts of my drive. On the way to work, on a clear day, Mount Hood would hover over the horizon my entire drive to work. Every crag, every peak, would be crystal clear, stark and alone on the horizon. Mt. Hood is really everything a mountain should be--stoic and alone and poetic and crisp and delicate all at once. On the way back home, in contrast, on a clear day I could see Mt. St. Helens. It would stand a clear reminder of what every mountain in this region could become--a looming symbol of uncertainly, instability, loss, terrible yet beautiful force, magnified hugely on the horizon. My best days were ones where I saw Mt. Hood on the way in and Mt. St. Helens, in its crumbled lumpy decrepitude on the way home. My flatland midwestern heart is still completely awed by these two behemoths.

1. Sweet Jen. I found my mathematical soul mate. She teaches at the high school I'm leaving. WE have the same ideas, only she's been at it for three years, and I've been at it for one. Together, we could rewrite a math curriculum and make it magical. We still may--it'll just be harder.
   
2. The kids. They did the most amazing things. Two students, when they found out I wanted a yearbook (but not enough to pay SIXTY dollars for one) managed to find me one that was considered "damaged". Every student of mine signed it. Some oddly, some sweetly, some thoroughly. I'll have it to look back on in the "Why I Teach" file, for those days when kids get me down or parents are shits or the administration beats me down. Another kid brought me a caramel mocha, another put notes in my mailbox. These are kids who want so badly to be grown up, and sometimes it's a two-steps-forward-one-step-back thing, but watching them progress is inspiring. Some of those kids are amazing, and I really wish I could watch them acheive over the next two or three years. I hope to keep track of them, keeping in touch with Sweet Jen. That would rock.
   

So, it's over, I'm out, and in a very anticlimactic way. I'm proud of the work I've done and those kids have some huge challenges not of their making. I can't wait to see how they do next year. I really hope they go on to find some amazing acheivement.

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